Shouldn’t you always be too big for your boots?

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

Do you feel successful right now? Would you text a friend right now and say “I'm feeling pretty successful today.”

My guess is a no to both of those questions (and maybe even a queasy sensation to go with the second question).

Success is one of those words that has a different look and feel in different cultures. For instance, if you work in Silicon Valley tech, or subscribe to a magazine like Forbes, the word “success” probably has a dollar or Euro amount attached to it, as a way to measure and compare said success. It also probably has a story of overnight success delivering results on a massive scale, doing something in and with technology that’s never been done before. It’s often made to look so easy when the real story is almost certainly more fraught than you can imagine. The years of stress, long days, weeks and months of worry, the events that nearly sank the ship, and the crucial relationships, and events that led to inflection points. And yet, success is success.

Then there is the type of success that you might see when that freelancer you follow helps a small group of people to overcome their fears and write their book, launch their business or figure out what’s keeping them stuck where they are. Often, it’s very much driven by the passion of the freelancer to help others get where they need to go, to amplify the lives of those around them. They won’t end up on the cover of Forbes, but that’s not the game they are playing. Success is success.

Then there is the quiet success of the mum who gets to work a 9-5 job so she can spend as much time with her family as she can, knowing that the security of her income will help her to sleep at night and be more present with her loved ones when she’s not in work. Success is success.

Then, there is Emerson’s definition of success, where “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; This is to have succeeded.”

These are just some of the ways that success typically shows up in the world, some through social media, some through conversation, and some through introspection. What they demonstrate is that it’s hard to tell if someone is truly successful unless you know what their intention is.

We each have the opportunity to decide what success means to us. In fact, to make sure you don't spend your life chasing ghosts, it’s hugely important to define what being successful (and happy) means to you and to remind yourself of it regularly. From that will come the things you need to do, the things you need to believe, and the person you need to become to get there. (Also, this method completely sidesteps the comparison trap that so many fall into). It might be a Euro figure, it might be time with loved ones, it might be a change to some small corner of the world. But it probably won’t happen until it’s written or spoken into the world and it’s simultaneously a macro and a micro question worth asking. What does success look like for me in my life? What does success look like for me as a team leader? What does success look like for me this week? What does success look like as I write this blog?

The other curious thing about success is that not many people apply the actual word “success” to themselves. It might be written about them, or thought about them, but rarely is it spoken by those who feel the success. Once defined, and on the road to success (however you have defined it), saying to yourself “I'm successful” whenever you do achieve something, no matter how small, might be one of the more empowering things you can do for yourself. It’s a small celebration of your ability to steer yourself to change the world in whatever way you desire. It might be on the tech unicorn level, or on the “I'm a good parent” level but it doesn’t matter. If you are clear on what success looks like to you and see yourself moving in that direction, why not congratulate yourself on doing just that?

If you have a definition of success and have decided to move towards that, then you are growing. While a lot of cultures have what Australians call “tall poppy syndrome” (or as we say in Ireland, “have notions”), don't you always want to be getting a little too “big for those boots”?