#29 - Darrah Brustein of darrah.co
[#29] - How to go above and beyond with Darrah Brustein
If a life coach and a business strategist had a baby, you would get Darrah Brustein. Darrah is a four-time founder, author, connector, and coach at Mind Your Own Business, a community for service-based business owners focused on maximising their profit and impact.
In this episode, Darrah discusses her steered transition into coaching, how to go above and beyond for clients, and building a business that does not run you. Main points covered throughout the show include:
An insight into Darrah's entrepreneurial journey.
The importance of existing relationships when acquiring new clients.
How to build authentic, meaningful, and long-lasting relationships.
Nurturing trust with your clients and demonstrating you care.
Providing value to your contacts.
Delivering an outstanding service and fulfilling your client's needs.
The power of networking - how to create broader connections through introductions.
A valuable template for winning e-mail introductions.
Darrah's transition into coaching and staying true to intent.
Identifying work alignment & success.
Learning to trust your gut intuition.
Advice for finding your first ten customers.
Darrah is a prolific author and Forbes contributor and has interviewed many renowned experts, including Daniel Pink, Shaquille O'Neal, Kat Cole, Bobbi Brown and Seth Godin, to name but a few.
Connect with Darrah Brustein:
http://www.linkedin.com/in/darrahbrustein/
http://www.instagram.com/darrahb/
Mind Your Business Community - https://darrah.co/myb
Diving Deep with Deepak & Darrah - http://darrah.co/divingdeep
Connect with First 10 Podcast host Conor McCarthy:
http://twitter.com/TheFirst10Pod
http://www.linkedin.com/in/comccart/
Resources:
Article – How to make e-mail introductions where everyone wins
http://darrah.co/blog/email-intros?rq=email
Book – Super Connector by Ryan Paugh and Scott Gerber.
http://www.amazon.com/Superconnector-Networking-Building-Business-Relationships-ebook/dp/B071WJVN62
Book – Give and Take by Adam Grant
http://www.adamgrant.net/book/give-and-take/
Produced in partnership with podlad.com
Transcription
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
people, business, coaching, relationships, coach, book, life, person, credit card processing, sale, customers, connector, client, delivering, friends, introduction, build, thought, feel, talk
SPEAKERS
Conor McCarthy, Darrah Brustein
Darrah Brustein 00:01
To me, that's the mark of death. That's when your reputation begins to proceed you negatively, what's the point of a sale if you're going to be not actually giving people what they wanted? And you can actually fulfill that? And how do you feel at night when you go to sleep realizing that you're kind of pulling the wool over people's eyes?
Conor McCarthy 00:21
Hello listener, and welcome to the first 10 podcast. I'm your host, Conor McCarthy and in each episode, I interview Business Builders on their first ten customers, who they were, how they found them, how they talked to them, and what effect they had on their business so that you can learn what worked and what didn't. When I'm not recording podcasts, I help Business Builders find their first 10 customers and grow their businesses. I do that through one to one coaching and a series of online workshops. Check out my website Conormccarthy.me for more details and to sign up to my regular newsletter. I hope you enjoy the show. So what if a life coach and a business strategist had a baby? My guest today is Darrah Brustein and she answers that question. My previous guests Margot Aaron highly, highly recommended that I chatted to her about her first 10 and that she really doesn't disappoint in this episode. We chat about what it looks like to deliver your service in a memorable way post sale, Darrah has some really simple yet powerful ways of developing relationships by helping those around her. She's really mastered the art of becoming a quote unquote, network note, offering not just her own skills and experience, but also those of the people she knows likes and trusts. Darrah is a real pro at understanding the power of relationships, and developing them in a really natural way to create strong bonds over time. In this episode, we also touch on listening to your gut, and starting with things that don't scale. But mostly we talk about Darrah's approach to helping others design their life to build a business to fund it and a network to support us. In Darrah's case, as she puts it, it's about running a business that doesn't run you. One of the reasons I really, really enjoyed this chat with Darrah is that after founding multiple companies, she landed on coaching, not because she thought it was cool or lucrative thing to do but because everything and everyone around her pointed to the fact that she might be a great, great coach, and she listened to that. So please enjoy this episode with Darrah Brustein Darrah Brustein, thank you very, very much for taking the time to be with you today on the first 10 podcast.
Darrah Brustein 02:19
Thank you for having me.
Conor McCarthy 02:20
First of all, this is all this podcast is all about the first 10 customers and like looking at your entire body of work online, it seems that you've had different stages of being at the kind of first 10 stage. So you can you can talk about your most recent body of work, or you can go back in time and tell us about something earlier. But what was it like, on one of those stages of finding your first 10 customers.
Darrah Brustein 02:44
Who doesn't love a good time machine, I'm gonna go back. I'm like drawing from the hat. I'm gonna go back to 2009, which is when I started my first company, which is it's super duper time to start a company, especially in the US when the economy was in shambles. And so why not, especially when I get into financial services at that time. So I started a credit card processing company with my twin brother, and I was solely responsible for our sales and bizdev, which I am very much wired to do. I think, you know, in business, it's great to make sure you are doing the roles and the job that is actually aligned and suited for your skills, proclivities, gifts and otherwise. And while early on, that is not always an option, and you have to sometimes do everything. I was very fortunate that I was born with my business partner at the time, we shared a womb, we shared a business, and he was the quintessential ops guy, and I was the quintessential bizdev person, which meant all the pressure was on my back to actually make this a business and sell something because frankly, you can have every operation and system in place. But until you sell something, you're not really in business. So I The thing that I would imagine, like if this were a drinking game, if not, don't really drink, that you'll hear me say over and over again, is relationships and networks, and that those two things are pretty much synonymous to me, because networks are often confronted with, like, really takery really slimy things which they shouldn't be and they're not when handled properly, properly, properly, and in a way that it's giving centric, and it's true and authentic and about real connection. So every way I've gotten customers from one to 10 to 1000s has been through relationships at different scales of one to one or one to many. So when I was finding our first customer for the credit card processing business, I did what I would suggest anyone does, which is take a look at the landscape of my existing relationships. And I had come out of three layoffs. So I had a good bit of experience behind me in different industries for different amounts of time. And the first industry I worked in was in fashion. I worked for a wholesale apparel company, which meant all of my customers were boutique owners, they all owned businesses and I thought okay, even though that business went under and I lost my job with it. I still had 100 relationships with small business owners to varying degrees. So I said, Why wouldn't I start there like lowest hanging fruit, we don't need to reinvent the wheel, we don't need to make this complicated. And instead of selling to them, I did what I also would always advise, which is I sought advice. And I sought counsel rather than seeking a sale. And what that means is I called them and I said something along the lines of like, you know, I really loved working with you in the days that we were together when I was with XYZ. And I'm really curious as I am embarking on this new endeavor to build a company in the space of merchant services, what your experience has been like with your credit card processing company. And because I had a relationship with them, people were very keen to be like, and more often than not, they would say, some version of everyone was swindling me, they told me one thing, it was a fake bill of goods, it was something else and they weren't in the business. I was like in some contract, blah, blah, blah, and they overcharged me. And at that point, I have a truly incredible and awful like, why would you continue to do business in those environments, and they were like, if there was something that I could trust, that was better. And I was like, well, no pressure, but like, that's exactly why I got in this business, when you start where you already have relationship. And then I always get the pushback, because I can always guess what an audience is gonna say. And they're gonna say, what if I'm just starting? Well, I was technically just starting to, and I was only a few years into my professional life, but you are never starting from scratch, you always have relationships from somewhere in your life. So if that had been from university, from high school, from elementary school, from your neighborhood, from your friends, and their parents, and your parents, friends, and you know, you always have a community and a network. And so once I had gone through the relationships there, then I would start going to my immediate friends and the places I remember, actually, my first customer to buy wasn't even one of those 100 it was this guy named Michael okie, and I don't think he'll care that I'm telling his full name. But he was the president of I don't even know what the term is, but it was like our professional soccer team, but like one level down in Atlanta. And I remember going to him and being like, Hey, Mike, like, would you be interested in letting me look at this free because we were friends and it didn't even have to feel overly professional. He's like, yeah, sure, I don't care who's doing it, as long as it's effective and it's not costing us more money. I was like, that sounds like a deal to me. He, you know, had to take it through his team and his finance team, and all of that to make decision. But ultimately, when I had someone who trusted me enough to say, I'm willing to go to bat for you, because at the end of the day, any opportunity we have, whether it's a sale or anything else, the fastest track to get there is to what I like to say right on the reputational coattails or equity of someone else, which means they have to already know like, and trust you. Thanks Dale Carnegie for that one, but to do that, you have to show up and show out meaning like you have to be the person that's been demonstrative of what that trust is in the first place. And then you have to continue to deliver on the back end, which is somewhere I see people fall on their face an unfortunate amount, because they think, I got the sale let me move on. It's like, No, no, this is where your job actually begins. And it's in the delivery mechanism to make the person become you know, I know you're a Seth Godin fan, as am I a raving fan, someone who's going to sing your praises and tell other people and become a referral engine for you whether or not you ask them, and that's where a lot of the magic begins when that momentum and that snowball starts to roll downhill rather than that first 10, where you really feel like you're pushing it up.
Conor McCarthy 08:25
Okay, there's so much gold in there from what you said. And just towards the end, what I love this idea of referrals that everyone kind of goes Oh, yeah, referrals, referrals, But to your point. And I think it's true that the follow up, the actual delivery of a promise can be where a lot of people fall down. So like, just go into it for a second, what do you mean by delivering on a sale?
Darrah Brustein 08:47
I mean, going at least the minimum level of what you guaranteed or promised this person, but ideally going well above and beyond that, and then not disappearing. So credit card processing, being the example we're using here, that is an ongoing relationship with someone that is passive, meaning most people in that space disappeared off the face of the earth after they signed it. And they just said, the tech team is going to integrate you and set you up goodbye. Whereas things that I did as an example that could be applied in any spaces. Because I was in a space where they would fill out an application and had personal information. Like their birthday, I would put their birthday and my calendar and follow up every year, I would put things like the anniversary of their business if I knew that because that's when they incorporated, I would congratulate them for that on that. I would follow up immediately after the account got approved. I would follow up a week later to see how they were doing with it. And then I would put I do these things called reconnect folders in my calendar and I don't use a fancy system I just kind of cobbled together my own just using Google Calendar by color coded differently on a 30 day recurring basis. And I have two versions. I have version A which is just says reconnect and when I open it up, it's like its own little CRM or customer relations management tool that has 10 to 15 names and out of customers and referral partners and people I want to stay in touch with, and a little note next to it, and I'll glance through each day and be like, hmm, haven't talked to Conor in a while, let me reach out and see how he's doing. And if it's a customer saying, you know, Do you need anything? How are things going or adding values to recommending, hey, you know, I recently learned about the service, would that be useful to you, or even when I would close the sale, I'll get to the second one. But even when I close the sale, I'd have a canned email template that felt sincere. And because I think that you can automate anything that someone wouldn't be upset to know that you automated. And so I had this canned email template in my favorite tool, which is mixed Max, which is an integration plugin with Gmail, where I send everything, and it has a million wonderful things to it. In this case, it allows you to have templated emails that drop straight down into your email saves your time, and it was my I'd call them acceptance emails when people would get approved. And then it would just say like, here's your customer service info, here's like some frequently asked questions, just like anything they'd need to know right there. And then I would say, and because it's important to me to help make sure that I'm continuing to add value, I've also attached a list of high level of some other partners that I work with in other spaces peripheral to this that might be useful to your business. Without the contact info, if any of these would be useful to you, let me know. And this thus gave me a, I actually have never talked about this, which is so crazy. To me, this gave me a great opportunity to nurture the relationship, people who sent me business and were my partners, as well as to add more value to my relationships without them feeling like I'm pushing anything on them, because they would opt in, I just gave them a menu and they would say, Oh, my gosh, I need a voice option. Or I need a graphic designer or a web designer or a banker or fill in the blank. And then I would get some more information and make a value added a three way introduction for them. Then going back to the reconnect file. So that was type a Type B is the really specific unique one. So if I had a client that was one of my top 10 clients, they would be on a regular rotation by themselves color coded differently in my calendar so that I would see them consistently be following up and adding value without being annoying, it would always have to be something that felt helpful, like an industry white paper that I found or a book I wanted to send them or one of those other types of milestones that I mentioned, or a potential value add introduction, or just to check in of like, hey, let me make let me do a quick audit of your rates and make sure you're still in a good spot or whatever else. And between those couple of things that really puts you in a place where you don't forget people, you don't leave them hanging high and dry. And they're like, wow, especially in an industry like that, where people never made a peep to them again, they're like, wow, this person's really in my corner, they're really here to support me. And this applies no differently to the people that I work with now in my coaching and consulting business that I care about delivering above and beyond what you expected from me. And as I'm saying that it's reminding me of one of the last jobs I worked in before I started working for myself, which was a home automation and like home theater company that was like million dollar packages to very wealthy mansions. And I remember all the time, they would be in pitch meetings, and they would sell things that they didn't have the ability to do. And we would leave the meeting and I would say, Well, why are you promising that we can't fulfill that and are like, Yeah, but I just need to get the deal. And to me, that's the mark of death. That's when your reputation begins to proceed you negatively. That's when you're putting mean if anyone else listening is energetically inclined like I am, when you are putting out energy that is bound to come back to you. That is not the energy you want to be spreading. And ultimately, why what's the point of a sale if you're going to be not actually giving people what they wanted? And you can actually fulfill that? And how do you feel at night when you go to sleep realizing that you're kind of pulling the wool over people's eyes?
Conor McCarthy 13:49
Wow, that is incredible. While you were talking I I started to wonder like, wow, I don't know if I've ever gotten even even some of those column delivery, extras or benefits even though they should be standard from any service. Because you're right to your point. It's like people tend to think you sign up and then maybe you get an automated email. And then the only time you hear from them again is when you want to cancel or something like that. And all the examples you gave, they're all free things to do. It's just staying in touch with people. It's having a system.
Darrah Brustein 14:24
Exactly. And the system is what's so essential. And I am not the hardwired systems person. It's not my nature to be that person who has everything beautifully systemized in the backend. But I have learned over time that if you can do the hard work one time to put something in place that will replicate itself to serve you and the people you serve. It is well worth that tiny extra lift that one time to make the friction so much smaller later. Because when we all grow past the first time customers, no matter what line of business you're in, it's very hard to extract all the things that are spinning in your head from that happening unless you have it in a system unless you automate unless you systemize unless you do the things that help you not worry about all the moving pieces because you're like, oh, that has a home that will pop up when it's time. I don't need to stress and worry about it. Did I call Jimmy? Did I reach out to Jane, did I do that thing? Because you have it systemized?
Conor McCarthy 15:22
Yes, yes. So it's such a load off, I don't think you're right, it is a one time only thing because then a lot of people kind of go, but then it's such a big lift to set up a system. Initially, it's a little lift, but then it works in the long term. It's come compound interest in everything. And also, you said in there that you really kind of it was such a great insight that you kind of made yourself almost a network node by suggesting other people that your client you were speaking to, might be interested in knowing. And that's a fascinating approach. I've never heard that done before.
Darrah Brustein 15:56
Well, I'm a huge believer in being in there's a book called Super connector that some friends of mine wrote Ryan Paugh and Scott Gerber in being a super connector, meaning that you don't have to be like I was wired to be a connector, I see the world as a puzzle, I can't help but put the pieces together. But you don't have to naturally be that person to grow into being a super connector. And also, you don't have to be an extrovert, I'm an ambivert. You also don't have to know a lot of people or get really drained by it or let it consume you or be a martyr, none of those things are required to be a connector super connector. It simply means being that node. I love that word that you said, because I think of it like a big map or a big web. And if you think about it, ultimately, the people who get the best opportunities are the people at the middle of a web, because they have the access to the information that isn't typically advertised anywhere else, that people are going to you because you're a source for them. They think I can shortcut steps if I go to you. And people only know that by you demonstrating that by doing things like we talked about and being the person that's continually thinking, Hey, can I put a and b together and not forcing it upon anyone that always has to be mutually beneficial, always has to be buy in from every party. One of my biggest pet peeves is when actually three biggest pet peeves in the space. One is when people asked to pick your brain, there's so many reasons to is when people immediately ask you what you do, because that immediately demonstrates to me You want a transaction, not a relationship. And three is that people don't give people the option to opt in. So they think I want to make this introduction, it's gonna help this other person or it'll make me look good. And they just send you the blind introduction, which cannot only harm your relationship with that person, it can really close the door in the future because they're like, I don't trust or believe in like the flip side of that is you also sending along bad introductions that they opt in to, but then they're like, that was a total waste of time, you really don't understand what's valuable to me. And in an ideal world, you then go back to that person and you help massage and say like, this is why that wasn't a great introduction that you say in a way that they can receive it and is nice. And ideally you help them nurture that but as an introducer as a connector as a super connector. These are really critical things to think about. Am I understanding each party enough to know that there's something here even if it's just I think you'll really hit it off? But are you laying the expectations out properly? So that one's not going in thinking I'm about to sell them something and other ones thinking I'm about to do something entirely different and there's a mishmash or it just doesn't jive because where the reputational equity can grow and be exponential for you. When that is done well, the contrary, and the inverse effect also happens when you do it poorly.
Conor McCarthy 18:41
Yes, it's almost a double opt in for for making introductions like asking, but it's a tiny bit more work asking both parties, then connecting them. So there's no surprise.
Darrah Brustein 18:52
Doing a good introduction. Actually, this is a good time to give someone a tool. So if you just Google Dara, and you can either just find it on my website and do winning three way email introductions, you can also do Darrah Forbes, winning three way email introductions in both places. I have a template for a really great email introduction. So that you don't find yourself in a position where people are like, this is murky, I don't understand why are we being introduced even if you've already done those initial ones. And not to say I never do the Hey, you already know the background take it away. It just depends on the depth of the connection to the people.
Conor McCarthy 19:27
I love that, that is amazing. I hope you are enjoying this episode and that there’s some actionable and insightful advice that you can take to your business. Helping you identify and create those First 10 Customers is what I do, so if you like what you hear on this podcast and want more information, including a bunch of free resources on how to find your first customers and grow your business, check out first10podcast.com or find me on Twitter @TheFirst10Pod. Also, podcast reviews are more valuable than you would realize, and I’d really appreciate if you could take 2 minutes to jump on iTunes and leave a review of the First 10 podcast. Thanks. Now back to the show. Jumping forward a little bit into your coaching. Because you mentioned you mentioned your coaching like so you have these and this is all on your website, it really is worth people going and checking out your your journey so far, because you did work in all these different industries. And this was the thing that seemed to emerge your your kind of top skill, if you like, if I could say that was coaching. So how did how did that transition go? Moving from those types of jobs into coaching?
Darrah Brustein 20:58
Yeah, so after the three layoffs, I started the credit card processing company in 2009. I also then started a networking events company specifically for young professionals first to build friendships second to build business collaborations in 2011. And then around that same time, I wrote a kid's book series on financial literacy education. And so I had my hands and all these different things. And it was just because I'm the person where I want to be helpful. So if someone says, I need this thing, and I'm like, I have the skills and resources to do that, I say yes, like, let me serve, let me show up. And then I figure out how to make the backend work so that I don't get completely depleted and burnout because I had done that before. And that's not advisable. And I figured out how to automate it enough and bring the right players in to make it succeed without me full time in it, which I think is really important for people, if you are multi multi interested in multi dimensional wanna introduce multiple things to the world at the same time, so that you don't drive yourself insane or mad or completely, you know, derail in the process. So the coaching thing, kind of interestingly, I noticed this recently that every industry I've been a part of, has been one that often has such a negative reputation, then I come in whether I realized it at the time, or not trying to make it more palatable for people. And coaching, I think was really similar. Because, you know, the actual story is about three ish years ago, I was at a business owners retreat in Italy. And I kept having this intuitive hit that kept saying to me, there, there's a new incarnation of your career on the horizon, go figure out what it is. And I was like, No, I've just spent all these years building these companies, I'm finally enjoying the fruits, like, leave me alone. Like anyone who ignores their gut instinct, you realize that it just keeps getting louder and louder until you pay attention. And finally, I was like, fine. So I spent six months doing a lot of inner diligence, which ultimately, you know, cliffsnotes turned into a lot of the work that I do with my clients, to unearth what was really going on within and what this next incarnation or iteration would be. And I came to realize that it was teaching, and it was helping other people, to not make the mistakes, to not run businesses that run them, but to first design their lives. Make sure that the business not only integrates with that, but elevates the things that they value and the life that they want to live rather than consumes and diminishes that and build the network to open the right doors to the successor seeking and make it a lot more fun because it can be really lonely. So going through that process, I kept saying, I'm not going to be a coach. There's so many coaches, everyone's a coach these days. And I kept seeing so many coaches who, frankly, I thought, were really muddying the moniker, they were really making it something that was ego centric, that was about all your healing and help comes from me, I'm your source, as opposed to I'm a mirror for you to help excavate and unearth what is within you to bring that out. And I might have tools or experiences that you haven't accessed, but you don't actually need me, you could do this on your own, I'm just going to help you do it faster, and hold you accountable to it. And that's the difference. And I'm not going to tell you that you have to keep coming back to me as the well, to keep getting your drink. Like I'm going to give you the tools and hope that you can fly. And you can come back to me later, but like go fly and grow. And then we can re count like we can come back and recalibrate as needed. But I don't want people to feel like they have to come back and back. And that was my impression of a lot of the coaches that I had seen and even worked with myself. So I really resisted. And so at the time, I said, I'm just going to write another book, this seems like the thing for me to do. And within six days of saying to myself, and I didn't just I'm gonna write a book, I said to myself, I'm gonna write a New York Times bestseller on this, which is not like me, like I'm not naturally the most confident person. I said, I'm gonna write this. And within six days, I had six meetings with literary agents in New York. I was up in New York, having these meetings, and then I got four offers and this was a very different experience than I had with my kids book where no one wanted it. No one was interested. So at that time, I was like things are clicking. And when things happen in flow, and it feels like you're going with the current That, to me is emblematic, and signaling, you're in the right space, keep going. So that really continued, began to open the door for me into this work. But it took about a year and a half or so of doing the work of writing the book and starting to build a platform, because I had learned the hard way the first time, you can put something out in the world, but unless you have people who care and you know how to serve them, because you've been working closely with them, it doesn't matter. Because, you know, very Field of Dreams, if you build it, they will come not really, like if you build it, they won't come unless they know about it and care. So So I realized I needed to build an audience. So I really knew how to serve them and what they needed and build that trust and relationship. So that when I did put a book out a few years after that time, that they would be eager for it, and that they would want to tell their friends and they would, you know, do a lot of the grassroots guerilla style marketing that it takes for a book to be successful. And I didn't just want the book to be successful. I wanted the book to be successful, because I believed in its mission. And for anyone who wants to write a book, also learn this this the hard way, why you don't write a book because you want to be a best seller you want you read a book to be a best seller, because you care about the message and the impact that message has on people. Otherwise, I promise you, it's not worth it. It is such a trudge, but it has to be worth it for the mission and the why. So as that process went on, I started getting a bunch of people saying to me, hey, so can you coach me? And I kept saying, No, I don't coach you. But like, feel free to ask me your questions, I'd be happy to answer those, or I have all these, everything was free in my business. Like, I have this free resource and this free resource. And I write for Forbes and I have this series with Deepak, and like you can get all this stuff for free. And they're like, cool, but I want to work with you one on one. And I was also kind of allergic to trading time for money because I had built a residual income business and credit card processing that I thought, Well, no. But so I paused after I kept hearing this because again, I felt like these were signals coming to me and I was like, why am I ignoring them. And I thought to I always think about this to scale something, you have to start with a thing that doesn't scale. And what that means to me is, if that means I'm for a season doing one on one work, so I really understand the patterns, the psyche, the real nature of what's going on behind the scenes for my clients. That's important. And I see this all the time for people in products, like online product businesses, and service based businesses where they want to jump immediately to productization. And they want to make the online courses and the group coaching programs, which are lovely, but I highly advise not doing that until you have worked in smaller settings and one on one with people for long enough to truly understand that what you are delivering and how you are delivering it will actually move the needle from point A to point B that you are promising and they are seeking. And that is very hard to do without doing that groundwork in the first place. And most people don't want to put in the time to get there. But that's when I finally said you know what, let me see. And so the first person who hired me, I said to her, you know what, Susanna, if you're going to hire me, this is the agreement, I'm going to lay out the whole scope for you, we're going to sign we're going to pay, we're gonna do things. But if at the end of this, either or both of us doesn't feel this was excellent. I'm gonna give you your money back, because I'd rather we part as friends. And when it was over, she was like, this was transformational as best money I've ever spent. And I was like, I don't know, if I can curse on you. I was like, I fucking love that. Let's not want to keep doing that. And that sort of when the portal opened, I was like, okay, you can be in a space yet again, where people are selling the reputation of an industry, but you can still do the work from a place of its true intent. And thus I became a coach.
Conor McCarthy 28:35
Wow, that is, it's an incredible story. And it's one of those lovely stories that the coaching was kind of pulled out of you in a way you didn't kind of wake up and go, I'm going to be a coach, now I'm going to force it and make it happen. People in the universe and people were kind of going, please coach me, please. And you listened to that. Thankfully, I also like that. I find, you know, blind spots are a big part of any coaching session or any coaching practice and understanding them, and helping helping people talk through them. And I think from what you said, You reminded me of one of the one of the key blind spots that I think a lot of first time coaches have is that you don't really know the value of what you're offering until you actually put it out there. You think you might come up with this great coaching plan or proposal or whatever. But you don't really know if it's the thing that people want. You might you might be touching on it. He might be really surprised that to your point. If you work with a smaller group of people, you might actually flesh out what the real value is.
Darrah Brustein 29:37
Exactly. It's 100% no matter what you're offering, if it's coaching or you sell a widget, you really don't know what desire it's fulfilling for someone or what problem it's solving for someone until they get it in their hands.
Conor McCarthy 29:50
You mentioned a great phrase a little while ago called inner diligence, and I bring it up because I'm pretty sure I know what it means I'd love if you don't mind talking about a little bit and the reason I'd love to talk about it is because the coaching you do very much comes from from you and your experiences and I think this is a big part of how you got there.
Darrah Brustein 30:12
Yeah, it's interesting, I've never been asked that. So to me, inner diligent inner diligence just means and just almost minimize it, because it's not easy. And it's not simple. And it's not one time it's ongoing. It means putting intentionality into going within. And that can look like a lot of things. I think a lot of people get overwhelmed or off put by things like meditation or mindfulness practices, because they think that's not me, I can't do that, blah, blah, blah. Like, I definitely felt those ways in the beginning, too. But then you begin to realize that every part of life has an opportunity to be those things for you, that you can just pause for a few seconds and process something and think like, why am I feeling that way? Or what signals in feelings is my body physically delivering to me because that's information to or, or adopting a traditional meditation practice or realizing when you run or swim or cook or drive or shower. Oftentimes, those become mindful or meditative practices. Because, you know, we often get in that zone in that flow state where doing those things, that becomes these places where you get to like, tune in and ask yourself what's going on. And so for me, at the time, it was a hybrid of that, met a lot of practices I just had either adopted over the years through, I've been a voracious learner and curious person my whole life. So just things I had read or learned other people talk brought to myself, or just ones I made up of, you know, brainstorming, free flowing with no regard and just writing and writing about what do I want my life to look and feel like without any judgment, or edit to an ultimate, like edit it down and doing visualizations for what I wanted, and what I like zoomed out thought my life would look like or what people would say about me on my deathbed, or, you know, just a number of things or dreaming for other people because it can really reawaken our dreams for ourselves, we typically want similar things for other people. But when we take ourselves out of the equation, we dismantle a lot of the limiting beliefs around Well, I can or there's this problem, or that thing is already happened. I have this sunk cost in this. But we don't think that way. Typically, for other people, we just are like, I want all these wonderful things for them, then if you just change some of the specific circumstances, you're like, Oh, I actually want those too. So why am I so keen to do that for them? Not for me. So anyway, there's this like whole vault of stuff that I have used for myself, and then now bring to my client relationships, when and where applicable. And I'm continuously learning, I got Reiki certified last year, I like do all these things, because I want to have a lot of tools available for myself, and try them and understand, okay, how can I give these tools to other people so that again, they don't need me, so that they can go off into the world and fly.
Conor McCarthy 32:59
I love that the I often call it the best kind of coaching where you coach yourself out of a job. That's the that's the end goal really sense.
Darrah Brustein 33:07
Like not the greatest business motto, but like it also is from a referral standpoint, because no one's gonna refer you when they start to be like, wait, why am I just like going in circles and not really seeing this improvement. And I'm stuck here, versus someone who's saying, Wow, I was in and out in three months. And I see this massive transformation. Actually, today in my Instagram stories. This won't be the case when this airs. I had a girl reach out to me and I've shared this where she said exactly a year ago, we had our first call. We worked it out for three months was like exactly, here we go. We had a call. I did this like zone. She did her like 10 your dream vision. And then she decided what she wanted for one year. And, this is a woman who had she had worked for the UN she had lived globally. she'd done all these incredible things. Then she got a muscular degenerative disease, and now she's wheelchair bound for the rest of her life, which sadly, won't be super long. And while she's been in this wheelchair, and this past year, she's like, okay, here's all the things I won't do. And she had these 12 massive goals like she self produced a documentary riding on a donkey at the what's it called Grand Canyon, but like she's paralyzed from the chest down. She got a literary agent and has her book out being shopped right now by major publishers. She did an actual TED Talk, not a TEDx talk, an actual TED Talk. She did all these incredible things. And she wrote to me, she goes, I did 10 of the 12 things in the last year that were on this year list. And I was like, That's amazing. And all I did was help her get clear on what she wanted and give her the tools to stop doubting yourself and get out of her own way and then catalyzed her into that action. And then just stayed her friend. I was like you're inspiring me. So thanks.
Conor McCarthy 34:44
Good luck for this too. Wow, that's really incredible. I've got to check her out. That's Yeah, that's fantastic. To go back again to yours when you when you first became a coach and you you took on your first client, or what then when you kind of like that first line turned around and said, there's your money, like no refunds necessary. How did the next few go? Obviously, that must have given you a boost. But how did you think about the next steps?
Darrah Brustein 35:11
Well, it's interesting because much like the way that I became a coach in the first place where it sort of showed up, and I paid attention. That's frankly, how a lot of my initial clients came with coaching, too, because I still had this inner resistance to branding myself as a coach versus just doing the work, you know, one on one with people. So it was similarly like, I had a guy who was an editor for one of the magazines that I would freelance for reach out, he's like, I am constantly amazed by what you write. I'm constantly amazed by the people, these like world class people that you were interviewing. I have a multiple seven figure company, but I know I can learn a lot from you. Will you coach me? And I was like, Sure. So he became my second client. And then a third thing happened similarly, where the third client was a guy named Casey, and he reached out on Instagram we had met years before. And he said, You know, I've been watching your growth over the years, I own a gym now. I've really lost track of my happiness. And both my work and my personal life, because I've left the business becomes so dominant, but then I've lost my joy in both. Can you help me? And I was like, yeah, it's like, kind of my sweet spot is that integration of life and business. And then I remember with him after two calls, we took his revenue from 8000 a month to 18,000 a month. He actually we just messaged two days ago, and he said, I'm finally profitable, which for him was a big deal, because he had investors, he had tons of overhead, like, it was a lot. And it just slowly snowballed that way. And I think the more that I just got those things to happen. And people probably say, well, that's really cool. Like, how did that happen? I think it was just, and this is a slippery slope, because there's a lot of messaging about just add value, and just put it all out in the world. And it's going to come back to you. And that is a lot of what was happening. Like I was writing these articles, I was publishing regularly on LinkedIn, and on Instagram, coming from a place of just wanting to be additive, and paying attention to what people were seeking and supplying what I could. And that actually was working in a sense that it was creating a brand that people recognized and they affiliated these problem sets and these needs, with what I did, and they would reach out, like those previous people had when they saw that I, you know, when they had the need that I could potentially solve for them. But over time, as I got more and more confident, and calling myself a coach and changing up my website and making that the branding, then I started asking for it, you know, I had an email list. And so I remember sending an email list title or an email to my email list. For the first time when I like, proactively put my coaching out there that said, want to work with me privately, and put, you know, the whole body of the email and got dozens of responses from people, which I didn't have capacity for, I was only taking four to five clients at a time. And but it was great, because I was like there is an interest for this. And I think that's one of the most empowering things when you especially are a service provider, but anytime in business, when your people actually want what I'm offering and it wasn't just a fluke, that one or two people wanted it. And then obviously the more time that goes on, the more confidence you build, because you have testimonials you have case studies you have those experiences you talked about where you start to be able to build out your platform and build out your system and your process that becomes unique to you. So that when people come to you, you get to be the expert and you get to say, you know, every time even though everyone is unique, we generally see this arc that people go through and while we will customize to you and this is how I talk about it. It's different in every business. Then they're like oh, okay, great. Like she has a real handle on it. She gets it she's speaking my language. She's mirroring words back to like remember on Margo Aaron's episode, we were talking about this Margo zone, old old friend, I adore her and she's so smart. You should listen to her. She was talking about this if like listening was the biggest skill that she learned and that the biggest detriment to her sales was over talking. And I think what there's this hybrid of when you listen, you can reflect and mirror back to people what they want. But again, it's not this manipulative ploy, because you have to be able to deliver, like we were talking about earlier. But when you do that, and you say, Yeah, I hear exactly what you're saying. And this is why this system and process works. That's why people are coming to you because they need the guidance, they wouldn't have come to you if they felt like they had it all figured out no matter what you're offering.
Conor McCarthy 39:16
I love that. And was it difficult to to like when you sent that first email out to your list? There's an element of positioning yourself as a particular type of coach, how did you land on on that?
Darrah Brustein 39:31
Well, I joke now like you can see it's in my email signature. And I think it's even on my Instagram still. And it's if a life coach and a business strategist had a baby, you get me, because I'm neither uniquely I am both together. Because I really think when we separate the two out we are doing ourselves a disservice that we have to have them really be built together with the true intention around how they service one another and uplift each other. And that's sort of the positioning that I want because ironically maybe not ironically, all along, I had had my positioning as design your life build a business to fund it in a network to support it. I'd always been speaking about that. And then it was just a matter of saying, and now I also help you do that through this type of work, not just through free resources where you don't get the depth and consistency.
Conor McCarthy 40:20
Okay, yeah, that's Yeah, I like that. It is, it's a really concise, but hugely informative positioning statements, that kind of life coach plus business had a baby, that's, that's me. I think it's a great way to frame it. And you, I love this balance that you have between, let's say, life coaching, and business coaching, if there was a book on either side of that, that you could recommend to people looking to get their first 10 customers? What, what two books would they be?
Darrah Brustein 40:53
I mean, I love so many books. So one that sort of sits in the middle is probably it's probably been recommended on your podcast so many times, it's Adam grants, give and take. It's his first book and I love this book, because it puts scientific evidence behind my anecdotal evidence that being a connector and a giver in the world makes you win. And in a beautiful way, where everyone wins along with you. So I absolutely absolutely love that book. And I think I'm gonna stop with that. Because otherwise, I'm gonna go on a tangent of like, 80 books. This one's gonna sit right in the middle.
Conor McCarthy 41:29
I'm really glad you said that. I don't know if it's come up on the podcast yet. And it is a brilliant book. I think it was his first book.
Darrah Brustein 41:35
It was Yeah. And it's also his most recent book, think, again, also excellent. And especially no matter what you do in life, because it really makes you think about, especially in sales, it's about persuasion and about influence and about getting people to understand your message and you to understand theirs. But again, from a place that's not manipulative.
Conor McCarthy 41:55
Yep. So so important. As the last question that I always asked my guests, what would you say to someone who's just setting out to find their first 10 customers?
Darrah Brustein 42:06
It gets easier. It sounds like an anti bullying campaign. But definitely that and two, I think one of the things that I find grievance with in general in the space of entrepreneurial education these days, are sort of the hacks and the shortcuts that everyone thinks there's a shorter, faster way to get there. And if I just get someone's 12 step program, I'm going to figure it out. Unfortunately, that's just not really true that it takes the iterative process, it takes a lot of what we talked about today, and that at the end of the day, it's just for a season, it's not forever. And it gets like I said so much easier. And so do not sleep on your relationships, do not sleep on the fact that you already have vested trust from people who know you, regardless of if it's in this work or not, because this is new, and let that be your springboard.
Conor McCarthy 42:59
Wonderful, that is an amazing way to wrap up the episode. Darrah, you're very kind to take the time to be on this call and to share all those parts of your various journeys. There's so much value in there. And yeah, thank you very, very much. Thank you for having me. This was a lot of fun.